Not in Phoenix
by theLilyflower
Summary: Just some of Bella's thoughts as done by me, nothing really interesting here. Unless you've got nothing else better to do but read Twilight fanfiction all day like myself, then be my guest and click that link right there.  Remember, it's your choice. XP


**Author's Notes:** Hello people in the TWILIGHT FANDOM:)) It's been a year since I tried to write something for fun and I haven't updated **Secret Desires and Guitar Lessons** even though I know I should. I know what I want to happen to the characters, it's just that I still don't know how to put it into words and how to .. I don't even know how to explain it. Haha. :)) I guess that's it. Steering away from that topic, I wrote a oneshot. Yey! for me and Boo! for you. Yes. :)) Still, try to read it though. It's my first oneshot so .. FLAMES PLEASE. Haha. Flames are accepted, I don't care, but good reviews are much much more appreciated. So uh. Enjoy then? Remember though that I was writing this as I was babysitting my baby brother and because I just felt like writing, so any typos or any errors, don't kill me just point them out. Not that I'd actually edit this if you point out the errors but hey, at least it made you feel better, neh?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. I also don't own the song wherein I got the quote from, Stephenie Meyer and Yellowcard does, respectively please.

P.S. The quote is not even related to the story. Haha. XP It's just the song I've been listening to the time I typed down the first few words. So .. there. XD And the title? Give me another one then maybe I'll think about changing it, seriously. I'll change it just give me something I'd like, something that'll somehow fit in with the story. XP

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_"How will we know if we just don't try?" _

**Not in Phoenix. **

' I have never been in love before.

Love was never really an issue for me. No one really asked me out for I wasn't really pretty, and I knew that. It didn't bother me for I preferred the comfort that I got in the pages of my favourite books and the warmth and security I've always felt when inside my room. A typical introvert, that's what I am. It's not that I don't enjoy other people's company, and it's not that I hate people; it's just that I prefer something else.

I've got pale skin, so pale that sometimes it's almost translucent. My long hair is naturally dark brown in colour and naturally wavy. Slender is the only decent way I could describe my so called figure, plus I'm the biggest klutz in the world. Seriously. I can't even count how many times I trip over air in a day. I lived in Phoenix before I came here, to Forks, Washington, the total opposite of the place I used to call home. Honestly, I'm still not used to the always cloudy and rainy weather, and all the _green_. It's much too green for my liking. Great. Now I miss Phoenix even more. Stop it, there's no use dwelling over that fact. It's not as if I'd let myself go back. What? And ruin the peace I left over my mom and Phil? I don't think so.

Setting that aside, I'm starting to enjoy it here though. As much as I don't enjoy the attention I've been getting ever since coming here, I really can't deny the fact that I've been enjoying the attention I've been receiving, but I can't say that it doesn't confuse me as to why I've been receiving it, from one Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen.

I think, no wait, I _know_ that you won't be able to find someone as perfect, or more perfect than he is. Seriously, he has got to be the epitome of perfection. The tall, lanky (but somehow still muscled) frame, the unbelievable mess of gorgeous bronze hair, his perfect facial features -- Oh his perfect face. His perfect cheekbones, his perfect nose, his perfect set of lips, his perfect sometimes onyx and sometimes topaz eyes, which are always successful when it comes to dazzling me. Besides that, he's real smart! He also looks like someone who enjoys sports, and is good at whatever it is too. Don't forget the way he smells. God, he smells so _good_. In short, everything about him is absolutely and undeniably perfect.

Now do you understand why it confuses me so much that I, plain and alone Isabella Marie Swan (yes my whole name so you'd see the emphasis I am putting here), have been the focus of his attention? It's confusing, it's frustrating, yet it makes me overly happy that I don't mind too much the somersaults my stomach has been doing a lot lately, the blush that manages to creep its way out to my cheeks whenever he smoulders me with his beautiful eyes, and the sudden thundering and want of my heart to be out of my chest. I would've granted my heart access out of my chest but then if I did that, I'd die, which means I won't be able to see the gorgeous and perfect Edward Cullen.

I must be going insane. I have never felt this way before and I'm not really sure if it's normal to feel this way. He's been very confusing these past few days, more confusing than normal. He's been telling me that we should not be friends, that I should stay away from him. Well, hello? As much as I've been craving his company and the sight of him, it's not really _me_ who's been doing the following and the walking up to. So why was he telling me to stay away from him when he's the one doing the entire seeking-the-other-out thing. Not that I mind, but still. He's frustrating when he's like that, and it's frustrating just thinking about this.

I always thought that I'd fall in love when I'm in my midtwenties or early thirties, after I finish college. But I certainly never thought I'd fall seriously head over heels in love with someone while still in highschool! Not that I'm complaining, I love this feeling I'm feeling, but what if I end like my mom? I'm not that kind of girl. I not the type to get married at such a young age, even though the thought of seeing Edward's beautiful face everyday of my life sounds great, as humiliating as admitting this may be, I'm a bit afraid of the commitment. Don't let me dwell on that one, please. Can we just go back to Edward's perfection? '

"Bella? Bella? Hello? You there? Wake up."

I was shaken from my reverie by Jessica, apparently, Spanish was over and it's already time for lunch hour. Which means I'd be able to see Edward. The thought made me smile and I immediately hurried packing my stuff up to get to Edward faster. Jessica sensing my enthusiasm, just waved goodbye to me, knowing that I'd be sitting with Edward. Finished with my things, I smiled at her then dashed towards the door, tripping a couple of times on the way. As I reached the door, I saw him, leaning by the lockers, looking better than any Greek god. I walked up to him and smiled. He just smiled his beautiful crooked smile at me, thus making my heart start trying to break free from my chest again. I wouldn't be surprised that it'll be successful in the future, I really wouldn't.

"How was class?" he asked in his velvety voice.

"The usual."

"Hmm."

As we were walking towards the cafeteria, he had an amused smile on and I couldn't help wondering if he read Jessica's mind and saw me daydreaming with a goofy grin on. Well, there's nothing I could do about it. It's not my fault that I find him more interesting than Spanish, it's his.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" He asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what he was thinking about.

I was grudgingly honest. "Not in Phoenix."

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**More Notes: **Sooo .. how was it? It was bad wasn't it? Yes you can tell it to me straight don't be shy. Like it or not, tell me please. :D:D And if there's anyone who happens to read this story and hates it with a passion, tell me immediately! Don't hesitate to put it in a review or PM me. I'll take the story down once I read your message. :D:D I'm serious. 

Anyway, I am strangely happy right now. Why? Because I finished one story. :)) It's a oneshot, what should've I expected? Don't mind me, I'm just real easy to please. Anyways, FLAMES, reviews, criticism ARE WELCOME. :D:D Make me HAPPIER:)) Before I go to sleep that is. Anyways, the last part between Edward and Bella. Familiar neh? Find it in Twilight, Chapter 12, page242. This is the day before Confessions. :D:D


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